My name is Jory Micah and I love sex.
Wow, that is embarrassing to say. I feel like I am admitting to alcoholism for the first time at an AA meeting. I wonder when the Church made it weird for women to say that they love sex. It doesn’t seem odd for a male minister to get up in front of a crowd and give “sex talks” to an audience, who are sitting on the edge of their seats, of course.
So, why is it uncomfortable for a female minister to give “sex talks” and to say without apology that she enjoys sex with her husband and lots of it?
Several months ago I received an email from a man who was very respectful. We had been emailing about theology and such for a while, so I knew he was not making a pass at me and was genuinely asking me a serious question. He said,
“So, has anyone ever pointed out to you that your dimples are adorable? Do you think that, while unspoken, this is one of the problems that men have in the church when it comes to younger, female pastors? That they simply can’t handle being attracted to the preacher? I’m sure you’ve had to remind more than one person that you’re married (ahem), but thanks for the compliment. I’m curious, though, if you’ve ever thought about this in context with the rest of your work.”
I sort of brushed him off and gave him a super “feminist” answer,
“Yes, I have considered this, but this is something men will just have to get over because it is not fair to discriminate against someone based on their looks.”
Later that evening I chuckled while I told my husband about the conversation, and he replied, “That is actually a really good question and point.” Well, that’s annoying of you to say, I thought.
In that moment though, I realized that I did not take my “theology buddy’s” question seriously enough. I still stood on my super “feminist” answer, but I needed to wrestle a bit more.
What are we female preachers supposed to do, put bags over our heads every time we preach? I can’t hide my dimples, for goodness’ sakes!
I know; whenever I get asked to preach, I will go out dancing the night before with my girlfriends, wear extra eyeliner and red lipstick, plaster my teased curls with hairspray, go to bed late without washing my makeup off or brushing my hair (or my teeth), roll out of bed the next morning, throw on some sort of moo moo dress, grab my Bible and head out the door. That ought to scare everyone into repentance!
All jokes aside, could the problem lie with the idea that Church has oversexualized women?
Could it be that we have created a culture that focuses too much on the exteriors, rather than the heart of the preacher? I mean, even the guy preachers are into those “hip pastor jeans.” You know, the ones with the designs and crosses on the back pockets (Note: the ones that are actually NOT hip anymore).
We gals could easily ask why these preachers are trying to draw attention to their behinds. I am all about dressing modestly when preaching, but perhaps it’s time that we get our heads out of the gutter and into the Word of God. Female preachers should not have to dress in a cape to get a little bit of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
The truth of the matter is that the Church has been missing out on the female voice from the pulpit for a very long time and we have a few things to say about sex too.
First of all, a lot of us love sex and it is a myth that all women hate sex. It is also a lie that all husbands have stronger sexual appetites than all wives. I learned that from a women’s Bible study I was involved in years ago. Most of the women were frustrated because they wanted more sex than their husbands did.
Lies breed shame in telling the truth, which is why many Christian lay women and preachers alike are embarrassed about their sexual needs and desires.
If men in the pews cannot even get past our dimples enough for us to teach them about communion or something very unsexy, how will they get past the fact that we have breasts, when talking about sexier topics? The Church continues to receive its sex ed from a male perspective only and then we wonder why there is so much confusion and unbalanced information.
Christian married couples need to hear both male and female preachers talk about sex.
A woman can offer a perspective on having a healthy sex life that a man cannot, and vice versa. We must teach boys and young men to look at the heart of a woman, rather than her body and face, so that when they become men, they can listen to a “pretty preacher” without being distracted by her looks.
In the past, the Church has put an unreasonable amount of responsibility on girls and women to dress like nuns, but this is just not realistic in our culture (unless of course, one is a nun). Obviously, we should seek to dress appropriately, but women cannot be held responsible for men who have lust problems, and female preachers cannot quench their callings because of the way they look.
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