Happy New Year! It’s January 1, two thousand and freaking sixteen. A brand new year, a brand new chance for success in love, right?! Every year we have this sensational opportunity to get rid of the old and bring in the new – new hopes, new dreams, new relationships, new hairstyles, new Justin Bieber albums…it’s all very exciting! But what if we find ourselves in this cycle of out with the old and in with the…old.
I dated some interesting guys in 2015. Interesting is a safe word. Let’s go with interesting. The other day I was pondering the past year, it really got me thinking about my singleness. I know what you guys are thinking, Leah you are fabulous and hot…HOW are you single? Thank you, I know.
So there I am, thinking about how I’m so awesome and how I date really strange guys, and then it hit me; for the past few years of my life, I have been in different dating relationships with a slightly different version of the exact same man.
Could it be me? Am I the problem?
At first I was offended that I even brought this up to myself. How could I even suggest this to me? Clearly they were the dysfunctional ones, right? But on the other hand, was there a type of man that I was allowing in my life that simply did not belong there? And if there was, don’t I deserve some of the blame? I mean, if I’m allowing these men in, how can I be mad at them for being there?
This was an alarming thought, so over breakfast I deeply meditated on it while eating two (four) brownies. I concluded that the most helpful thing that I could do is to narrow down the three most prominent personality traits that I wanted to avoid in a man, and not only no longer date guys who posses those qualities, but completely leave those homeboys in 2015.
Now granted, this list is not 100% foolproof. A man or woman can have these traits and be a perfectly functioning member or society. But at the same time, I am rarely wrong and I am relationship blogger, so you should probably listen to me.
So here they are, 3 people to leave in 2015:
The Rapid Romeo
Who they are: The Rapid Romeo is the person who falls in love with you after about 2 weeks. They will tell you that you’re the one. They will tell you they’ve never met anybody like you. And worst of all, they will try to convince you to get on their cell phone plan.
Recognizing Them: In my extensive “research”, R.R.’s always have spiked hair. I don’t know why. Maybe the velocity of their quickness to say, “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world” generates an actual breeze, causing their hair to stand up. #Science
The Danger in Dating Them: They don’t take you seriously. R.R.’s are moved by life moments, not actual life. Using your heart is a great thing, but we should use our brains as well. I’m a slow mover in relationships, and the Rapid Romeo always freaks me out.
I always feel like what’s the rush? The lack of desire to wait and the lack of responsibility while dishing out compliments and promises shows a deep immaturity. Lots of people have been hurt by Rapid Romeo’s for one very simple reason – they get out of relationships as fast as they get into them.
Inspiration Closing Arguments: You deserve someone that desires to know you on every level, not just the entry level. Why settle for quick when you can have forever? Take your time.
The Valiant Victim
Who they are: For whatever reason, I am incredibly skilled at attracting the Valiant Victim. It’s almost as if it’s my spiritual gift. The V.V. is the person who has somehow managed by the grace of God to prevail through the horrible hand that life has dealt to them.
They are never short on details about how they bravely made it through their last breakup, how they held their head high while getting wrongly fired, or how they turned the other cheek when they were mistreated by the gas station attendant. Every ended relationship has been the other person’s fault. Every hurtful situation was because of someone else’s negligence. They’re never responsible. Never guilty. Never to blame. We ALL know a V.V.
Recognizing Them: They can normally be found in the tissue or tampon aisle.
The Danger in Dating Them: V.V.’s ultimately only think of themselves. Every conversation will come back to their hurts. Compliments that they give you will be intertwined with the way that they’ve been hurt before (Example: You make me laugh! It feels so nice to laugh after the way that my last girlfriend treated me. My heart was never happy.)
But the most dangerous attribute? The Valiant Victim is literally waiting to be hurt. In their heads, everyone will hurt them…including you. One day you will do something to hurt them, and they will never forget it. Be very wary of committing to a V.V.
Inspiration Closing Arguments: We’ve all been hurt and fallen short of the glory of relationships (I think that’s in Romans), but choosing to dwell on that hurt is up to us. You are valuable enough that when they are with you, they should be focusing on you, not on who they were with 4 years ago.
The Frisky Flirt
Who they are: Let me be honest, I love flirting. Am I good at flirting? Absolutely not. But I love it. But there is a fine line between playful flirting and oh my gosh, how are we making out? The Frisky Flirt knows this line, studies it, and is an expert at crossing it. They make things that shouldn’t happen until the 10th date seem an incredibly commonplace 10 minutes into the first date, and often make you feel dumb for questioning it.
Recognizing Them: Oh, it’s easy. They’re the one with their hands on your butt.
The Danger in Dating Them: The Frisky Flirt is skilled at making you feel special by being very physically available. And girrrrrl, it’s nice! But guess what? You’re not special!!! Ouch. You are one of hundreds of people that have fallen victim to them and their wandering hands.
They are driven purely by physical interaction, which is what relationships are built on…when you’re 15. The real root of it all? The F.F. is incredibly insecure and has a deep need to feel validated without getting attached. When they feel physically satisfied, they’ll move on. Or, when you say no, they’ll move on.
Inspiration Closing Arguments: Date the person who will wait for the right pitch and swing for a home run, not the person who will swing at anything and everything coming just to get on base. I suck at baseball, but that was downright inspirational, y’all.
So here’s the bottom line: You, wherever you currently find yourself in life, have a butt-ton of value. So much value, in fact, that I would venture to say that you don’t even recognize all of it. Take time to be a little selfish. Start this year by deciding what’s important to you, and then don’t waiver on it, even it means feeling lonely. Don’t mistake lonely for love. Be patient. Just like you want that guy or girl out there to be waiting for you, wait for them.
It’s okay to say no to dates. It’s okay to not be crazy about the guy or girl that everybody thinks you should be crazy about. It’s okay to say, “You know what, this isn’t what I want.”
And it’s okay to eat two brownies for breakfast. Or four.
Leah Barterian works as the Youth Program Director at Grace Christian Church in Metro Detroit, Michigan. She is extremely passionate about singleness, Red Wings hockey, social equality, and late-night snacking. She loves baked cheetos, puppies, and laughing at videos where people slip on ice. She inexplicably hates black beans and humidity. Follow Leah on Twitter and Instagram @Leahbarterian