Stop Telling Me How To Run My Life, Ministry and Business


Last weekend I saw the movie, Joy, starring Jennifer Lawrence (who I am obsessed with, by the way). She said a line that made me want to get up, drop a mic, and walk out of the movie completely satisfied. She says at 2.2 minutes, “Listen to me, never speak on my behalf, about my business, ever again.”

Honestly, this line in the trailer is the reason I “had” to see this movie. Hearing her words made every fiber in my body feel empowered. I have been thinking about those words ever since and I think there is a pretty big reason many of us women are attracted to such statements.

Society and the Church tells women to listen, quiet down, take advice, let someone help you, let someone hold your hand, let your male pastor tell you when it’s time to fly, let your male elders tell you when you need to get right with the Lord, let your father protect you until you find a husband, let your husband take care of you and tell you what to do for the rest of your life.

“He knows best,” they say. Sometimes these messages are totally subliminal, but these are the messages girls and women are getting. We then wonder why women struggle with insecurity and a lack of self-confidence at epidemic rates.

We wonder why many women compromise their values to be taken care of by a man. We wonder why many women tend to compete with one another and spend thousands of dollars on botox, clothes, jewelry, etc. We wonder why women in the Church can’t even have a women’s group without jealousy and drama rising up, normally resulting in the whole thing falling through.

Women struggle to get on each other’s team because of patriarchy. We have very little opportunities to shine and to find purpose outside of the home, so we often fight over the very little opportunities there are, or we can find ourselves competing for the most eligible bachelor to take care of us.

Many women in the “church world” want to grow up to become a “pastor’s wife” because they have been taught since childhood that they themselves cannot become pastors (a view that does not come from God or the Bible). It comes from culture.

A grandmother named Darlene Hackemer Loretto left a comment on Zuckerberg’s post, saying she advises her granddaughters to “date the nerd in school” because “he may turn out to be a Mark Zuckerberg.”

The Facebook CEO replied with some excellent advice of his own (Source):


The truth is that in the Church women are told that they do not hold enough “god-given-authority” to become whatever they want. Yet, men in the Church are told that they can carry out any position or title they feel God is calling them too.

It literally makes me sick how many seminaries will accept women into their very expensive programs, who know darn well that those women are probably not going to be able to find ministry jobs.

Even outside of church walls women are fighting for equality. Women are asking for a chance to be faithful, to prove themselves, and to use their talents (and degrees), to help put food on their tables, and not to have to rely on a man. It is too easy to have to compromise ourselves, what we want, and what we need, when we have to rely on a man financially and even emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Often, women who are successful both inside and outside of the Church are self-made. They got tired of holding a man’s hand or asking everyone for permission. They got tired of scrubbing floors, being a children’s minister, and being back up singers (not that there is anything wrong with any of those things). They decided to take a risk, make some serious sacrifices and go out on their own.

Women were not made to play secondary roles to men. Let me say that again. We were not made to play secondary roles to men. We are not all assistants to men. We were born to shine, we are smart, we are strong, and we can manage our own lives, ministries and businesses. 

Be careful who you let direct your life or speak into your work. The reason your life and work is successful is because of you, not because of any man (or woman for that matter). It is because of who God made you and what you have to offer this world. I am not saying to become a diva and never listen to anyone. We all have blindspots and need to stay humble, but believe in yourself and know that only YOU are in charge of your life, ministry, and business.

And if you feel like busting a move after reading this post (as I felt like doing after writing it), Gwen Stefani is a good place to start.

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  • Preach it! And we wonder why so many Believers aren’t ‘culture-shapers’? Maybe you should send this post to the Women of Faith people. .. they are busy building a culture of women depending on men . . .. when they think they are ‘helping women’.

  • I’m finding myself in a “new season” in my life. I feel like I’ve hit almost halfway now and this post is so encouraging. I’m going to take a vacation by myself this year and I don’t care what anyone thinks.

  • I had a flashback to many, many years ago when you talked about how women’s groups sometimes just fall through. I was a newbie in the group, and at least half of our time was spent trying to decide what small group I should be assigned to depending on my geographical location, and what color jello to make (for whatever the coming occasion was). I never went back. LOL

  • “It literally makes me sick how many seminaries will accept women into their very expensive programs, who know darn well that those women are probably not going to be able to find ministry jobs.”

    Yup. This very thing happened to me. Not only that but I’m married to a youth pastor so vocational ministry is essentially out of the question.

  • Amen! We have been instructed to entrust to men our lives and wellbeing. We have inadvertently been taught to muffle the voice of the Spirit, as if God doesn’t really speak to/through us. We have in a very real way been kept from living the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. I believe that there is an awakening taking place in which God is being honored as the authority in women’s lives and not mere men. There are souls and lives at stake here. God has work that we must do as women and men together. It is time for some men to dethrone themselves as the Holy Spirit of God’s Kingdom.

  • No kidding! And, to add, I don’t need anyone to lead me, take care of me or be my protector either. Unfortunately the humanity had tipped the scale so unfairly that while it suppressed females, it also put an undue burden on the men. While some men have an innate ability to be a leader (just like women), maybe even more don’t, and perhaps don’t even want to. However, due to religious and societal pressures, they feel that they must, so they try, try hard…and some fail. Everyone gets hurt in the process.

    When it comes to equality, and especially in the church circles, I have observed that often times it is not men holding women back only, but other women holding women back. Here are some examples of what I deal with regular, coming from women:

    1.” Women are stupid” said a woman in my presence. I thought I was going to choke on my food when I heard it. And we are related!
    2. “Women make horrible bosses and leaders,” said the same woman. “I had a female boss once and she was horrible and power hungry.” Yes, let’s judge 50%+ of the population based on one bad apple.
    3. A woman, coming from a conservative complemintarian church feels that she is called to pastor, but is afraid to even articulate it. I help her say the words–she lights up brighter than a Christmas tree. Another woman, who knows her, when she hears what’s happening: “Well, I have my opinion on that, but… I guess I am ok with this, because she submits to her husband.”
    4. A woman tries to organize a women’s event in town I lived in. It’s her first time. She is nervous. I am excited. We are talking and she tells me that she’s received several emails…from other women, asking her not to do the event, because they do not agree with it.
    5. Females in my family: “I need a man to take care of me.” One needs to fix something, I tell her: “Why don’t you just do it? It’s so easy (The tools in our house belong to me :))” She says: “It’s a man’s job.”
    6. “There are not enough men in the church so women HAVE TO do their job.” So, what happens if there are more men in the church? I ask. “If they step up and take their place, the women would not have to do so much,” they respond. Imagine the madness–having different plumbing immediately qualifies you to be a better servant…or should I say leader? And, God forbid, if men actually stepped up into their “rightful” role, we would all of a sudden run out of things to do in the kingdom of God and women would have to sit down and be relegated back to being pew sitters.
    7. A woman: “Oh, I don’t know how I feel about a female pastor. I don’t think I can sit under one.” Another one: “I definitely could never been in a church with a female pastor.”

    I won’t even get into the trash I hear from men in the town I just moved to.

    I can go on and on and on. I gets so bad that I have to be selective with who I allow my daughter to be around, so she does not subconsciously learn the same Disney Princess mentality–a damsel in distress who needs a rescuer. My husband and I are raising her to be the rescuer, when her life calls for it.

    Ok, off my soap box.

  • Thank you! Our daughter is 25 and we’ve bern told we were in error having her live on her own. She has proven herself to stand on her own as a woman and to keep her femininity in tact. She doesn’t need a man to stand beside her in her endeavors and it’s usually us following her.

  • I have been saying that patriarchy is the reason woman don’t get along for a while now! I completely agree. I am a Children’s minister at a church where I was the first Children’s Minister and the first female minister and anytime I have had an issue with women, it is typically because of a power struggle because I was stepping into what they considered their territory. When the roles of women are limmited, they will fight for the little power they have. Also, being the only woman with the title minister puts a target on your back by the sceptics of female leadership.

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