I am always reluctant to give marriage advice since I don’t consider myself “wife of the year;” but then again, who wants marriage advice from one of those seemingly “perfect wives” who none of us can relate to whatsoever.
I have always loved the idea of marriage. I am pretty sure I was ready to get married at 4-years-old; well, at least I thought I was ready. When I did finally get married, I was pretty sure I was meant to be single for my entire life (just kidding, kinda).
I was a “rock-star” at the single life! I fully took advantage of the freedom it offers. I got as much education as I could. I built a solid group of quality girlfriends and traveled all around the United States to see them.
My first year out of college, I taught 7th grade in Denver, CO. That whole year I explored Colorado with my family and hit the Rocky Mountain slopes with my friend. Since I had the summer off (paid) I also traveled to LA to spend time with one of my best girlfriends.
One night we thought we would go “star-searching” and guess who we ran into? Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Sophia Bush, and Penelope Cruz! Later that summer I visited Dallas to see my college friends and we went to a party that Nick Canon was DJing.
Not to be a name-dropper, but my life was fun and I was good at being single. It wasn’t just that. I was good at being a girlfriend to my girls. I always made sure I stayed connected to my high school best friends. Every time I came home, I made sure we grabbed dinner or coffee.
I thought for sure I would be a good wife because I thought I was a pretty awesome friend to have, but I really struggled (and still do) to find my identity as a wife.
What the heck does a good wife look like these days? I don’t do laundry. I don’t make beds. I don’t pick up clothes off the floor. I don’t care if the house is a mess. I don’t exercise. I do cook for enjoyment (never out of obligation). My resume was (and is) pretty domestically shabby.
To make matters worse, I have never made a lot of money. It seems like society let’s women who make good money off the domestic hook. I am a minister and teacher and last time I checked ministers and teachers do not typically bring home a whole lot of bacon.
According to society and even the church, I have very little to offer a man. I can cook pretty darn well, but being a chef is not my identity or even my desired life-career. Although I love serving my husband (when he is being nice to me), I don’t believe “maid/food service” makes anyone good-wifey-material.
So what does then? What makes us good wives according to God and reality? Let me tell you something. One of Luke and my first dates was him volunteering his time to help me with the youth group I was currently the pastor of. He tells me now that he loved watching me minister to the teens and that this was one major reason he fell in love with me.
When I ask him girly-on-the-spot-loaded-questions like “Luke, what are the three top reason you love me?” he laughs nervously and says “I don’t know; you are cool, sexy, and smart.”
The truth is ladies, being a good wife is being your best self. Sometimes life gets in the way and we start striving to be someone we are not. When we strive to be someone else, we get stressed and unhappy. When we get stressed and unhappy, we become a nagging bundle of kill-joy!
Your husband married you because He likes YOU. I know, sometimes we become so unpleasant that we don’t even like ourselves. This is when we must stop and re-evaluate. Am I being true to my gifts and personality or am I trying to replicate someone else’s gifts and personality? Am I allowing the stress of life to change who I am; who he initially fell in love with?
Focus on your strengths and stop worrying so much about your weaknesses. Ask the Lord to help you with your weaknesses, but also accept that you are who you are and changing your struggles is a very slow process (sometimes life-long).
Being “good wife material” has nothing to do with how well we cook, clean, how much money we make, or even how well we serve our men; but rather, simply being true to ourselves – who God made us to be!
Besides, men are very simple creatures and if you know how to make a decent sandwich, you are off to a great start!
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