Yesterday Was Hard, But I’m Still Gonna Shine!

jor

Yesterday was one of those really hard days where I struggled not to question my purpose.  I wondered all day long why I always seem to hit walls.  I am not afraid to take risks.  I am not scarred to speak my mind.  I am truly a team-player and although I am a leader, I am not at all a micro-manager and I try not to be a know-it-all.

I try really hard to be fair, gracious, and non-judgmental.  In high school I was popular, but never thought I was better than anyone else and treated everyone with respect.  In college I strived to be a good and active student.  After college, I worked hard to get a job and then gave my first job all I had.

I am honest and loyal.  I am an extraordinary friend and I am proud of that.  I  have truly tried to stay connected to all my friends as best as I possibly could  and I even try to keep all my friends connected.  I care about people and genuinely want the best for others.

For the most part, I am the same person behind doors that I am out in public.  I am not even close to perfect, but I really do love others and try to walk in selflessness and  humility.  I am not religious about much of anything accept maybe checking Facebook and setting my alarm.

I don’t read my Bible or pray everyday, but I would like to get better at both.  But at the end of the day, I am certain that I love Jesus!  He penetrates my soul to my very depths and although I am temped to say that “I am a good person” I know that it is Him within me that has made me good.

The truth is that I want to make something of my life.  I want to do something noteworthy.  I want to live out my purpose, passion, and personality to the very fullest.  I want to be known as someone who did everything I was born to do.  I want to die without a single regret.  I want to overcome my weaknesses and sacrifice momentary pleasures to embrace the purest joys of the future.

I truly pondered yesterday why I seem to struggle so much.  I try not to compare myself to others because I know this is small-minded and immature, but it is hard to see others walk through open doors and take no one with them.  I have made up my mind that if God ever opens a great door for me and puts me in a position to help others, I will not leave others behind.

If a little of my time could change someone else’s life forever, why would I not give my time?  If a little of my energy could make someone else’s world a better place, why would I not give my energy?  And if a little of my money could make someone’s life a little richer, why would I not give my money?

God is building in me something I think I will take with me to heaven even if that is the only great gate that ever opens to me – impeccable character and love for others.  If I ever have a lot of money, I will give a lot of it away.  If I ever have a lot of power, I will empower others.  If I ever have a great position of authority, I will lay down my rights to hear the heartbeat and ideas of those following me.

Any platform I am ever given in life, I will share with others because this is the heart of the true kingdom of God.  This blog is ultimately God’s blog and it truly blesses me to help other women become known and provide a place for them to share their gift and stories with the world.  I am not threatened by other women who are better writers, speakers, and ministers than me.  The better they are, the more I want them on my platform!

Strong women don’t waste their time being threatened by other women who are powerful; they partner with them and watch God move in mighty ways!  Do you know the most read posts on my blog have been by guest writers?  Does that make me feel bad about myself?  Heck no!  I rejoice with my sisters and hope to God they make it to high places someday and then I can say, “I know that girl – she wrote on my blog!”

I will not grow bitter against those who refuse to give me a chance and I will not allow their insecurities to make me insecure.  I will choose not to defend myself when I am wronged and I will stop fighting for a place at the “decision making table.”  God has a unique destiny for my life and someday someone exceptional will see that.  When that day comes, I will give that opportunity my whole heart and soul.

But even if no one is ever willing to fight for me or give me an opportunity to shine, I will spend my entire life fighting for others and giving other people opportunities to shine because it is more blessed to give than receive.  

I truly want to be like Jesus.  You know what I love about Jesus?  People wanted to be around him.  Even the worst of human beings felt comfortable being around Jesus.  He must have been way more tolerant than Christians are today.  Truth be told, I don’t even want to be around most Christians.  I feel like I have to be on my best behavior around most of them and how boring is that?

Most of the time people do not see us for all we have to offer and that is beyond frustrating, but I do know that Jesus sees us. God made us to shine bright like diamonds even if many cannot see our beauty.

I think Jesus really likes me and I think He really likes you too.  I think He sometimes shows up later than we would like, but time is in His hands so it is never really late, is it? I pray with all my heart that Jesus does something great with my life, but more than anything, I pray that at the end of my life people would remember me not as a “good person” but as one who legitimately loved Christ and others more than myself.

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