When Will My Life Begin?

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Have you ever asked yourself, “When will my life actually begin?” I do; pretty much every moment of everyday! Perhaps you just graduated college and you are wondering how in the world you are supposed to get experience if everyone hiring requires experience. Perhaps you feel you are getting a bit older and you are wondering if you will ever find your “Mr. Right” or if that darn pregnancy test will read “positive” this month. Or perhaps, like me, you are in your early thirties and you are just waiting for your defining moment.

By our thirties, we have had our fair share of life. During my teens, I dreamed about getting out of my small town and getting a taste of the real world. In my early twenties, I dreamed about all I would do with my life and who I would do it with. I married my now husband at 25 and got to check that off my list. In my late twenties, I discovered that marriage was not the answer to my problems or the key to life fulfillment (darn).

Late twenties were the most difficult years of my life. Yes, there were fun things about it, but I spent a lot of time falling flat on my face as I tried to find myself. I made so many mistakes. Even though I knew Jesus, I had lost myself for a while. Looking back, I don’t think I trusted Him all that much during that time. All I thought I knew about everything was in question. So I went searching for answers, put my faith on the back-burner for a while, and decided to figure things out myself. Things didn’t go well.

Now, at 31, I have picked myself up off the ground, bandaged up my late-twenties wounds, and have attempted to get my life back on track. I started dreaming again and telling God, “OK, I am ready for my defining moment now!” I believe that everyone who truly follows hard after Christ will have a “defining moment” which can be described as that point of opportunity and/or purpose that changes the outcome of your life forever.  You know, what your soul is looking for and has always been looking for. Your destiny!

Some are fortunate enough to find this moment in circumstances that may seems ordinary. I know women who have their babies and take a big deep sigh of relief and say, “Oh, this is what I was born for.” Other women find this in their local careers or ministries and some find this in simply being amazing homemakers. I love women like this; I actually envy their contentment a little bit. I am sure these women have much to teach me about being content in all things.

But, I have always colored outside the lines a little bit and I tend to think outside the box. My room has always been a mess. I like kids and want them badly, but kids are not the greatest desire of my heart. I used to think that getting married was the greatest desire of my heart until I got married. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my husband, but Luke was not and is not my “defining moment.”

God has put big dreams in this 5’2, pint size girl. I am not sure why, but I often feel like God has impregnated me with big fat dreams and I am supposed to start planning for their “birth.” But, when we wait and wait, and our “dream” never seems to come, we find ourselves questioning and giving up. But what if the dream is just not due yet?

We do not want a dream or “defining moment” to come prematurely or there could be big problems – problems we may not be ready to handle. What if the reason our defining moment has not come yet is because our “baby” is still baking in the oven and we are still being groomed to take care of that “baby.”

It is so much easier said than done, but what if we tried to trust God with the waiting? What if we were like one of those really annoying (but always so sweet) women who “loves” being pregnant? Yes, it is painful to walk around with a dream that you are ready to give birth to. Yes, your back is aching and you would kill for some relief. Yes, your “nursery” is ready to go, you have already had your “baby shower” and your mother is staying at your house in anticipation.

Oh, how I know the struggle of waiting. But, God is teaching us a lesson that can only be learned in the home stretch – when your dream is so close to “popping out” that you can taste it, and that is unconditional trust in Him. So ladies, keep your chin up, kick your sore feet up in the air, and “taste and see” that the Lord’s timing is good.

Let’s not allow our hope for tomorrow steal our joy today. Keep preparing, but stop striving. Get ready, but stop stressing. Our defining moment will come and when it does we will sure be glad that we not only waited for God’s best, but that we had a bit of fun and peace while we waited!

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. ~Psalm 43:5 

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