Three Ways To Not Kill Your Husband…

meandlucas

Oh Luke, how I love you and want to strangle you at the same time. Do you understand the feeling ladies? How I whine when he leaves and become annoyed ten minutes after he gets home. We are so much like brother and sister sometimes. It’s kinda cute and kinda annoying at the same time. I want romance; not silly slaps on the behind, butt-pinches, jokes, and teasing. Oh, but he does make me laugh. I will give him that.

Luke is much like my own personal “Dennis the Menace.” He is adorable, lovable, ORNERY, and agitating. What is funny is that I tend to be easy to agitate. God does have a sense of humor. Luke makes me smile a lot. Oh how I want to punch him sometimes. In Pink’s word’s, “It must be true love!”

I like to say that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy. I tell Luke all the time, “when I stop getting upset with you is when you have to worry.” But, there was a time when I found myself getting upset way too often. I was operating out of insecurity and fear.

Luke and I went through a lot early on in our marriage. It must be because God wants us to minister to people who have had marriage difficulties, which I find hilarious and amazing at the same time (He REALLY does use our weaknesses). We are doing super great nowadays, but it has taken us a long time to get here and I am not foolish enough to think all our rough waves in marriage are over.

But while we enjoy peaceful waters at the moment, allow me to offer you three ways to not kill your man:

1. “Everybody Can Do Whatever They Want:”

While am I pretty sure Luke would not permit me to go on a date with Ryan Gosling (darn) and I would not allow him to go on a date with Kirsten Dunst (his celeb crush); we have a standing jokey phrase in our home, “Everybody can do whatever they want.”  We also like to chant, “No more rules, no more rules” on occasion.

Luke has never been the controlling type, but I have. I wanted him to be with me every moment of every single day and the thought of us not attending functions together, not spending Sundays together, and going on trips without each other seriously stressed me out.

I am an extrovert, so I gain my energy from being with certain people and Luke is an introvert, so he gains his energy from being alone. I use to take it personally when he had to get away from me for a couple hours, but I soon realized that it was not personal, but truly a basic need to be alone for a bit.

Truthfully I began to suffocate Luke and he started becoming resentful and not wanting to spend much time with me at all and began not wanting to go to events, etc.. I finally got a clue and decided I needed to chill out and let him off the leash. When I did, I was forced to face my fear and realized that I actually felt more free not trying to control Luke.

The best part about it all is that Luke became a joy to be around again, he wanted to spend most of his time with me again, and we got along much, much better.  I no longer wanted to kill him everytime we hung out. It was truly liberating for both of us!

2. Let go of Judgment:

Oh how judgy we are when it comes to our men! We always seem to assume the worst. It does make me chuckle a little to think of all the things us girls get mad about, but what if we started assuming our husband’s intentions are good and applauded them for their good will even if their actions make no sense to us (I know, SO hard).

If I am not super specific with Luke about what I want, he will almost always pick up the wrong thing. I use to get so mad about this because I felt like he was not listening or he didn’t care or he didn’t get me, but that was seriously not the case at all. He just simply didn’t know and does not think like me.

This would cause me to become critical, which in turn would cause him to become critical. When I stopped being critical, he stopped being critical (and visa versa). 

It took me a long time not to get frustrated with this, but I finally realized that I needed to be grateful for his servant’s heart and willingness to pick things up for me even if he gets it wrong sometimes. At the end of the day, who cares. It is not worth ruining an evening over the wrong kind of ice cream (Ok, bad example, HE MUST GET THE RIGHT KIND OF ICE CREAM)!

The point is, most things are not worth getting the gun out. Letting go of judgment and truly believing that your man’s intentions are good is freeing for all parties involved!

3. Lighten Up:

Most men are pretty childish, but is this a bad thing? I know it is annoying when he doesn’t pick his dirty socks up off the floor after you have asked him to like five million time. Yes, I get tired of the constant jokey slaps and grabs too. The silliness sometimes never stop, but life sure would be boring without men!

This is honestly something I am still working on and Luke is too. We are searching for the middle ground. I never, ever want to lose “playful Luke,” but sometimes I want him to be “serious, romantic, and thoughtful Luke.” He has it in him to be all those things, which is why I married him!

With that said, I realize that I need to lighten up. I get hyper focused on tasks and goals and have a difficult time being silly when I am in the middle of “stuff” I deem important. But, I am finding that I need to make it a goal to disengage from whatever I am doing and just enjoy time with Luke – even if it is just “silly time.” Everything else can wait! 

When I do this, I am not irritated because I don’t feel like Luke is interrupting “important tasks.” Once my attention has shifted, I never regret disconnecting from other goals to connect with my husband!

No need to call the cops ladies, Luke is still breathing. 😉

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10 Comments

  • Love it! You were totally talking to me! I have dealt with some of these things and are dealing with some of these things now!! Oh to be married and deal with life at the same time can bring some of the hardest challenges!!! And the best memories!

  • I love this Jory!!!So very true. I have been married to Steven going on fifteen years. I know (wows a) It doesn’t feel like a day over thirty!!! Marriage is constant work. Steve frustrates me. I feel sometimes like I have three kids not just two. I’m am wild and extroverted. Steve is the strong silent type. I want to go out dancing. He wants to stay in and watch Game of Throwns. He is constantly zigging while Im a zagging! I know I nag when I feel like he isn’t listening to the point where my ringtone on his phone is a monotone mocking voice saying “Meeeeegans calling!” You know I guess to warn him of my existence lol. Marriage is hard. Monogamy is hard.

    The truth is at the end of the day nobody will ever love me as much as Steve does. He balances out my level of crazy. He asks me every morning. “What’s it like being the most beautiful woman?” He says this even when I look like total poop. He is a great father to Max and Michaela. He supports my acting, singing, writing creative endeavors which cannot be easy since it isn’t his thing.

    We sometimes joke about strangling each other like a bad episode of Investgation Discoveries. The truth is we would truly miss each other. We would rather put up than give up. We also would both look bad in prison orange lol!!!

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