I Hate You So Much it Must be *T*R*U*E*L*O*V*E*

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Love is the scariest thing I have ever signed up for. I am one those girls who guards their heart like I am guarding pure diamonds because I am just about as sensitive as they come. I don’t trust anybody with my emotions, so when Luke showed up and stole my heart forever, I had many “Crazy Jory Moments.” I had no idea how painful love would be. If Luke and I had known we were literally signing our hearts away forever, we may have thought twice about getting involved.

But this is the crazy thing about love; it’s addicting, intoxicating, and once you get a taste you don’t care about the aftermath. All the pain, tears, frustration, fears, and downright torment is worth it. The truth is, I have thought many times, “I have got to get out of this thing; what the heck was I thinking?” But, even so, I know that I would sign up for the good times, knowing it would come with hard times, all over again.

Us girls grow up watching fairy tales, so when the crap hits the fan in our marriages, we think for sure we made the wrong choice. Dear Lord, how could I have fallen for this? He is so mean to me! He says the rudest things! Where are my flowers? Seriously, that joke is not funny! Where are my date-nights? Why are you farting in front of me? Where is the dude I married? Dear God, how can I stop the snoring? Why do I smell feet all the time? Where did all the food go I just bought? Ahhhhhh….I. NEED. ROMANCE!!!!

Oh yes, sometimes we want to choke our men in their sleep. That’s normal. The truth is that marriage is better than a fairy tale because it is real. I wish someone would have told me how hard marriage is. Oh wait, everyone told me how hard marriage is, but I didn’t beleive them. I thought, “What do those old people know anyways!” Turns out, old people know a lot.

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Marriage is one big fat mess and when we try and pretend like it’s not we lose touch with reality and find ourselves crying on the floor (yes, I have done this many times), making too many boxes of brownies (guilty!), and “falling out of love.”

Here is the thing, “staying in love” and “falling out of love” is pretty much a choice because when we say “I fell in love with him,” we actually mean, “I became infatuated with him.” Infatuation is one of those amazing feelings that comes and goes as it pleases. I thank God when butterflies hit me after 6 years of marriage, but I don’t freak out when I don’t feel butterflies. Just because I am not as infatuated with Luke as maybe I once was, does not mean I love him any less.

In fact, I could make a strong case as to why I love him more than ever. One, I trust him more than I ever have. He has proven to me that he can be trusted because he has loved me at my absolute worst (even if sometimes his love was flawed). The funny thing is that “trust” is what our husband’s want more than anything and when we trust their opinions or the way they do things, they feel validated by us and in turn become better lovers; in all ways, if you know what I mean. 😉

Two, Luke is my partner in all things. I tell him all my secrets, struggles, and fears. No topic is too taboo to bring to our table. This makes me appreciate him tremendously; in a way that I did not understand in the infatuation stage. I am so grateful that I always have someone to talk to, hold me accountable, and encourage me.

Three, I love the level of comfort 6 years of marriage brings. I can wear my pj’s for three days, sport dirty hair, gain 10 pounds, and maybe even smell a little and Luke wouldn’t even notice. There is a sort of unconditional acceptance that comes with time. I truly feel I can be my absolute self with my man and is there anything more freeing than being allowed to be yourself? 

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With that said, Luke and I have some nasty fights sometimes and I have come to terms with that being OK. As we grow older, we fight less (probably because we are wearing out), but I am certain of one thing: When you truly love someone they have the power to shatter your heart with their words and actions, and because we are all human we will sometimes say and do terrible things.

In a heated moment, hating your spouse and wanting to strangle him may actually mean you are still very much in love and it is worth working through!

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