I Am A Woman

black and white headshot

Like many of you, I am a broken woman. The Church that I thought I loved clipped my wings, and told me with its actions, that I was not worthy to lead or sit at “important decision” making tables. I was left out in the cold, shivering with pain, an no “male leadership” came to my rescue. All I have ever wanted to do is serve Jesus with my gifts, but I didn’t meet the Church’s conditions and my “unapproved” gifts were ignored and rejected.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, I am strong, hard-headed, and stubborn, but my heart hurts for those who have been marginalized, disenfranchised, oppressed, and forgotten. This is because I have been marginalized, disenfranchised, oppressed, and forgotten. I have been limited. I have been told that I “can’t” do things that I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually capable of doing. “That is not your functioning role,” they say. Yet, I am capable and gifted to function in many roles. I need love, but I equally need respect.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, I am a person who struggles. Boy, do I struggle! My mind and my heart are more than I can handle sometimes. I stand. I fall. I stand. I fall. I stand. I fall. I Stand. I hate to disappoint and I hate being judged, so I hide all of the things I am ashamed of. I don’t trust people. I don’t let people in. I am deeply sensitive, but this world we live in tells us that “sensitive” is weakness, so I hide that too. In some seasons, I isolate myself and I am lonely quite often.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, sometimes I am terribly moody and mean to my husband, because I know he will forgive me and love me unconditionally. Other times, I am as sweet as pie and as warm as a sunny day. With everyone else, I hide behind my smile. Everything is AWESOME! My Facebook pictures are perfect because I took 25 pictures to get one nice picture and then I added a filter.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, I march to the beat of my own drum. I go against the grain. I don’t let people put me in ill-fitting boxes. I have been rejected and misunderstood throughout my life, because I refuse to submit to people’s “less controversial,” fluffy, views. I would rather be poor, and be me. No amount of money, no title, and no platform is worth suppressing my extraordinary mind, heart, and point of view. I will be me and I DO care who likes it or not, but I will still be me.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, I feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with my family, my friends, my nephews, and my grandmother. I feel guilty when I eat cookies for breakfast. I feel guilty when I spend money on things I don’t need. I feel guilty that I never pick up my phone, because I hate talking on the phone. I am an introvert and an extrovert, which can be a difficult type of personality to manage. I feel guilty about that too.

I Am A Woman.

Like many of you, I am stressed about my future. Will I ever make it? Will I ever have a real career? Will I ever have babies? Will I adopt? Will I stay in Pennsylvania or will I move? Will I go back to school? Should I get a part-time job at Starbucks this summer? Will my marriage last forever? What will I do if my husband dies before me? Will I gain the weight I lost back? Will I ever not be anxious?

I Am A Woman.

Like all of you, I am a complex creation, made in the image of God. My God is as a Father who finds joy in watching me succeed and as a Mother who would wrestle a bear to save my life. I am rescued and I am being rescued. I am not yet all that I am, but I am becoming more myself each day. I don’t spend enough time with God, but I do know God and God knows me. The God of the universe knows me, loves me, and likes me. In my Savior’s eyes, I am never “too much,” and I am always enough – just as I am and right where I am at.

I Am A Woman.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.~Psalm 139:14

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8 Comments

  • I’m so sorry you feel so slighted in your church. I am so blessed by mine. I am a single woman who serves as a church deacon, house prophet, I serve communion and take up the offering. I run the sound board. I’ve done it all joyfully unto The Lord. My house of worship focuses on a relationship with Jesus Christ and not a religion.

    • Hi Stacey. I don’t feel slighted in my current church. I am on the leadership and preaching team. I more so felt slighted by THE CHURCH in general throughout my 20s. I am 32 now, and so now I speak out about the injustice that girls & women are facing in the Christian Church worldwide. It’s not about one local church.

  • Oh…so you’re a woman, Jory?….figures! ☺

    Very nice picture of our ways as women, actually…and a nice photos too.
    …not sure what Stacey meant…hopefully just sharing the blessings she has, but the tone! Be very careful Stacey how you speak to those who are struggling, like most of us, to survive what is available in our towns. You are in a rare place…just be glad and please don’t rub it in…many of us know exactly what Jory means and have spent whole lives in the same boat…just consider yourself very blessed…I hope you never have to move away…then you may refer back here for the encouragement that Jory gives to the rest of us who live where there is no choice…never take for granted that what you have can be found anywhere nearby.

    I have never found what I seek and have left all houses of worship after 30 years of silently listening and learning less and less…it is just too late for me to find a place to serve anymore…so I serve at home and open my doors to others.

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