I am too honest. You are too non-confrontational. I am too aggressive. You are too passive-aggressive. I take too many risks. You take too few risks. You sacrifice too much. I sacrifice too little. I am too outspoken. You need to speak up more. I am romantic. You are practical.
I move too quickly. You move too slowly. You prefer small talk. I prefer deep conversations. You joke too much. I need to lighten up. I am a leader. You are a manager. You are easygoing. I am, well, not easygoing. You save money. I spend money. I cry too often. You cry too little. I am an East Coast girl. You are a West Coast boy.
There is nothing about you and I that makes sense, darling, but have I told you lately that I know you are the one for me?
I keep thinking, I should wait for our anniversary to write this post, but I know you prefer spontaneous and homemade gifts from the heart. In fact, I hate that about you so much. I hate that you don’t want Christmas or birthday gifts, but I also know that if I outlive you, I will tell stories to our grandchildren with tears in my eyes.
Oh, your grandfather was a stubborn man. He never let me buy him gifts. He would rather me spend the money on myself or give it away to the poor. It used to drive me nuts. God, I miss him.
There have been several times in our almost seven years of marriage that I thought I made a mistake. I thought, “We should have listened to our pre-marital counselor when he told us we were not a compatible couple.” Remember, the stupid marriage compatibility test said that the only thing we had in common was our love for God?
We started getting into some pretty intense fights before we were even married. I wasn’t good at romantic relationships. I think I am getting better. I was so scared of marrying the wrong person and God would not give me a hard “Yes” or “No.” In the past, I always knew when a guy was not the one. God made it clear in one way or another. But with you, God was silent.
A few days after we got engaged, I took my diamond ring off and laid it on the ground. I got on my knees and with tears in my eyes, I told God, “Let your will be done.” I was so in love with you and I was petrified that God was going to take you away from me.
I have always known that God is a jealous God, and when I was in high school, I made idols out of boyfriends. I knew I had a tendency to put romance before God, so I swore off dating after high school. Boys were my weakness. They made me lose focus on God. I had big “ministry things” to do. For five years, I stayed out of love and focused on God for the most part.
There were opportunities for love, but either God or my intense anxiety over relationships kept me single (maybe both). I thought I was looking for someone like myself and since I probably thought too highly of myself at the time, I remained alone. You were nothing of what I thought I was searching for.
I remember the first time I ever saw you in person like it was yesterday. You stood over in the corner, a bit shy, but smiling at me with both humility and self-confidence. I loved your smile. Everyone fusses over your eyes (they are beautiful), but your smile is my favorite of all your physical attributes.
Your smile is what made me want to make out with you all day, every day, but that’s not what made me fall in love with you. We had so much fun together and still do. We never stop laughing. The storms of life could be raging all around us and we still find something to laugh about together.
I also began to notice that you were my other half. Nothing about us was the same. We were not compatible. We had a lot of “working out the kinks” to do and still do. But I was everything you were not and you were everything I was not.
You would teach me how to serve Jesus sacrificially and I would teach you how to love Jesus passionately.
You would teach me about politics and I would teach you about theology. You would teach me how to slow down and I would teach you how to speed up. Turns out you were everything I ever wanted and exactly what I needed, and all we needed to be compatible was a heart for God.
(This post is part 1 of an #EgalitarianMarriageSeries. Egalitarians are Christians who believe that the Bible teaches husbands/men and wives/women are equal in both worth & authority in the home & church. We oppose “complementarianism” which teaches that Christian husbands/men and wives/women are equal in worth, but husbands/men inherently have greater authority in the home & church).
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Relevant Posts I have Written:
“What Does Husband Headship Really Mean?” (FIND HERE).
“Does the Bible Give Fathers/Husbands a Gender Role?” (FIND HERE).
“Is the Wife the Helper and What does that Mean?” (FIND HERE).