A Very Sexy Story!

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We can all hear Grandma Sue in her very agitating lecture tone, “Why should he buy the cow honey, when he can get the milk for free?” Annoying? Maybe. But does old Grandma Sue make a good point? Are we giving it away too easy girls? Culture has changed quite a bit in the 21st century. Nowadays it is totally normal for a couple to live together before they are married and it is simply assumed that most are going to “test drive the car before purchasing!” Saving oneself for marriage seems archaic, unrealistic, and to some it seems like absolute craziness. But what if there is something to it and we are missing the big picture? What if we are allowing our culture to define relationships more than our God?

Can I be real here? Sex is fun and I love it! I am not one of those girls who hates sex and I am pretty sure I never will be. I understand that men often seem to want sex more than women, but I have conversed with many women who say they are the more sexual species in their marriage. You know what; this is just fine! Culture may tell us that this is strange, but it’s actually fairly normal. Point being, culture tells us a lot of bold face lies and it is so easy for us to buy into them if we are not paying attention.

Can I tell you a secret? Luke and I got married several months before our actual wedding. Luke and I both held on to our virginity our whole lives (by the grace of God) and when we got engaged, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We were newly in love and being physically separate was almost painful. Neither one of us were perfect in this area before we met each other or even when we were dating, but we fought for something we believed in and we fought hard. We got married early because we wanted to do things God’s way. Did it make things harder for us?

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Yes, in some ways it did make things more complicated (defying social norms is never easy), but I know that I know it was the right decision. One, we have a rare story to share and we can look our future kids in the eyes and tell them that mommy and daddy have only been with each other their whole lives. Two, we figured out sex together and had no clue if the other one was bad at it. Three, our attachment is strong and only to each other. Four, we are confident that we tried our hardest to please God even when culture told us we were crazy.

Does this mean one is doomed if they have already had sex before marriage? Of course not! Our God is a god of a million chances. He does not expect perfection. He expects us to want to please Him and do things His way even when it is hard. He is as a parent who expects their child to try their best, but is always ready to forgive when we mess up. It is never too late to rewrite our stories for ourselves and our future children. I know women who were married and divorced and decided to wait to have sex again until they were married again. We are not perfect creatures, but we are capable of more. 

Sex is the super glue in a romantic relationship and was intended to only be used in the context of marriage.  It is best to only use super glue when we intend to make something permanently stick!  Why?  Because it is ultra painful to detach two hearts that have been super glued together.  God’s Word says that when a man and woman have sex, the two become one.  When we use super glue before we actually say “I do” we run the very real risk of severe pain. 

If we do things God’s way there is a lot less chance of getting hurt in the end. God’s way is never to spoil our fun, but to give us a future of hope, goodness, and joy. It takes self-control, patience, and trust; but it is not archaic, unrealistic or crazy. It is a beautiful story filled with true love and divine romance.

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9 Comments

  • This is absolutely. true. 100% There are so many people men and woman both who all wish they had listened and waited. In my past situation as a virgin, I wanted to wait. I was forced to lose my virginity in a very painful circumstance..but I take part of the blame, because I was in a place alone with a guy I knew was trouble. You not only get to experience everything together when you wait, also you are right, there’s no one else to compare the other to. Besides money, the reason alot of couples stray away from each other..is because they’ve had so many sexual partners..they get stuck emotionally! It’s horrible NOT to wait! The consequences of having multiple partners are devastating and don’t only hurt the two people involved..it’s like a butterfly or ripple affect. It’s a shame there isn’t more advertisements to just wait, it would benefit everyone who listens.

    • Julie, thank you for your dialogue and I am so very sorry your virginity was stolen from you. In my opinion, you are not to blame for this at all! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • Wow! That was awesome! So very true. It says in Eph.4:17, that the world’s way of thinking is given over to sensuality and has darkend the understanding of people’s hearts so that they become insensitive to what God has planted in our hearts. This is why our culture is is instilling these unture concepts!

  • Jory, this blog was written excellently on a topic that has been known to have a LOT of touchy points! Great job, girlfriend! Excellent advice! Love ya!

  • Sex and relationships is a very complicated thing to navigate. I find myself constantly frustrated by the tropes and trite answers given by many in the church about it. Since discovering yor blog I have appreciated many of your insights and was excited to read your thoughts about a topic that no one seems to capture well. I must confess myself disappointed by this post. I think your beliefs about only exploring sex with one person may indeed be the ideal way to go, but to me this post has increased my assurance of this zero precent. I appreciate your words about how its fine for women to like sex and that sexual sin does not destroy you forever. However, it was especially upsetting to read you repeat the gender stereotypes that men were “created to pursue” and we were “created to be adored.” This post does not jive for me with any of your other posts about gender roles. I would really appreciate a post where you can explain this further and maybe where you can reference how you came to these beliefs based on Biblical text. I’ve been fed the idea that men are pursuers and women are trophies by the church most of my life and it seriously damaged a lot of my relationships. This idea of “men being wired” to pursue sounds unhappily similar to the argument about men being “wired” to want sex all the time. Count me confused and more than a little disappointed by this.

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