Sleepy heart….

I use to want to write a book called “putting your heart back to sleep” because I experienced such pain loosing certain guys in the past.  I use to read these verses in the Bible a lot that say:

^“Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
   by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
   until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” ~Song of Solomon 2:7 (the message)

Some versions of this same scripture say not to “awaken” love until the time is right.  I use to combine this verse with another verse that says “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” ~Proverbs 2:23 (NIV).

For years I tried to figure out how to “put your heart back to sleep” after you had already woken it up by allowing your emotions to get too tied up in a guy that you did not end up with (and if you are in high school, you probably won’t end up with the guy you are dating right now; I  know, sad but true!).  Waking up our heart too early can be so devastating!  I wanted to make sure I never had to feel those devastating feelings again so I was bound and determined to make my heart sleepy!  The only problem with this was that my heart was like a new-born baby that just would not stop crying out for those ”infatuation” feelings I once had.  While I strongly believe these two verses that I have shared to be great wisdom and highly recommend not awakening ”romantic love” until you have found the person you are going to marry; this is an ideal that happens very rarely.  So, if you are reading this and you have not “awakened” your heart to anyone yet; bravo for you; keep your heart asleep to “romantic love” until you find who you have been looking for at a time you are ready to pursue marriage; you will save yourself so much heartache!

As for the rest of us that just wish our heart would shut up and go back to sleep; we have to deal with it, just like you have to deal with a new-born baby at 3 a.m. that just won’t stop crying out in need.  Like I said before, I tried for years to put my heart back to sleep.  I was bound and determined to do this so that I could write a book about it and tell the world of my great success and give the 1-2-3 step “how-to” answer!  It took a while, but I finally figured out that it was impossible to put my heart back to sleep.  This is not to say that you keep the same feelings for the guys you lost (I do think time helps you to get over these guys); however, the soul does not forget those “feelings” you use to have!  This is why we as humans will often have weird dreams about people we have not thought about for years.  Just because you don’t think about something or someone anymore in the front of you mind; the soul (mind, body, heart, spirit) does not suppress memories so easily.  This is exactly why the Bible tells us to guard our hearts and minds and not to awaken love until you meet ”the love” of your life!  The Bible warns us of this because God wants to protect us.  Remember, all His boundaries are for our GOOD, not to ruin our fun!  God knows that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is FUN but He also knows who you are going to end up marrying and doesn’t want you to have to go through the pain of a breaking up for no reason! 

Back to “trying to make my heart sleepy;” basically all I did was suppress human emotion for years and thought I was ”putting my heart back to sleep.”  I was wrong, my heart refused to stop crying out for “love and romance” again.  It was as if I was ignoring an infants need to be fed.  So, what in the world do we do if we have already “awoken love” and our heart just won’t shut up.  Well, I can tell you this; most people just keep going from one relationship to the next trying to get their heart’s “fix.”  The problem with this is that you just continue to feed the heart and it becomes more and more needy and insecure break-up after break-up.  Finally, you meet the man you want to marry and unfortunately you WILL bring all this insecurity into your marriage which creates friction and in a lot of cases, divorce. 

So, we understand by now that jumping from one romantic relationship to the next is plain stupid but how do we get our hearts to calm down?  I can tell you first hand that suppressing your emotions is not the answer.  The answer is allowing those emotions to surface and stand through the pain.  As I have discussed before; the healing process is very painful and we have to face it to really be healed! This is why people have such great success with therapy; they are forced to talk about their soul-wounds!  The healing process of getting over a “romantic” relationship can take years, but it is better than suppressing those feelings and having them rise up 20 years from now when you are supposed to be happily married and enjoying a family of your own!

I actually know a woman who was in her 40′s and had been married for 15 or so years.  One day she decided to drive past her x-boyfriend’s house (from high school).  She soon fantasized about him (how they were in high school).  Those thoughts turned into action and she left her very nice and secure marriage for this loser she dated in high school.  This may sound absolutely ridiculous, but it is not.  Perhaps you still have dreams about past boyfriends?  Though you don’t think of “so and so” when you are awake, these dreams are reminding you that your soul has not forgotten!

So, the first thing to do is allow these memories and feelings to surface no matter how long and painful the process may be.  Sometimes therapy is much-needed to do this and that is OK!  As you walk though that process, you have to learn to ignore your awakened heart that cries out for “love” or romantic feelings.  This is the hardest part because there will always be a guy you want to give your heart to and feel those addictive “love, lust, and infatuation” feelings again, but you know deep down they are not the right person for you.  Perhaps you don’t have the same core values or whatever.  You have to say “NO” to your heart that is crying out for another “fix!”  Many people fall in love with “love.”  They become “love addicts” and just always need something romantic going on.  The more we feed this addiction, the more we become addicts!

Once the heart has been awakened, you have walked through the painful process of allowing emotions to surface and saying no to your hearts cry for another relationship for so long; you will come to a place where you will be able to easily say no to pointless relationships and your heart will become determined to wait for the right guy!

I have to say though; none of this can be done without Christ.  I could have never just allowed pain to surface in my heart and not replace the loss I felt without my relationship with Christ.  He became the lover of my soul! I had to let Him feel that void left in my heart.  I had to replace my addiction to “love” with an addiction to Christ’s love.  This was not always easy since Christ is not a physical being, but once we learn to accept His unconditional love, we realize that He is the only one who can love us the way in which we need.

Even now that I am married, I need Christ’s love more than Luke’s love.  Though I enjoy having a romantic relationship with my husband; his love does not compare to the love of Christ.  If it was between Luke and Jesus; Luke would be out of luck (thank God it is not)!  I feel this way because no man could ever love me, fulfill my heart, and complete my soul the way that Christ has and continues to do.  You see, human love is conditional, no matter how hard we try to love unconditionally.  God’s love is unconditional.  No matter how bad we mess up; God still loves us exactly the same!

I say all of this to say a few things.  Firstly, if you have not awakened your heart to “love” yet, you are very fortunate and you would be very wise to wait patiently for the right guy at the right time (the right time is when you are at an age you can consider marriage).  Second, if you have awakened love too soon with the wrong guys or girls, there is hope in Jesus Christ!  He will walk you through the painful healing process hand and hand, motivate your heart to wait for the right man or woman, and fill your heart with unconditional love that is more addicting than any human ”love feelings” you have ever known!