Jory Micah

Sometimes I cry so hard that I get somewhat of a euphoric feeling when it is all over.  Pain; it is an endless tragedy of life that we are forced to deal with.  We cannot escape it.  Even in our worldly and man-made “escapes;” it always creeps back up on us.  Right when you think you have experienced the most pain of your life, something else happens that tops the last experience of pain.  Worse, we grow tolerant to our usual way of “escape” and those pain remedies that once worked; no longer work as well or perhaps not at all. 

“Never judge a book by its cover” is a well fitted quote for most of our lives.  For instance, I am one of those people who smile when I am sad and pretend things are alright when they are not.  It reminds me of the show “desperate housewives,” which is a total guilty pleasure for me!   If you are unfamiliar with the show, it is about a town where everything appears to be perfect, but terrible things are always happening behind the scenes.  This is not much different from all of our lives.  We mask our pain because we fear man.  We all have different fears and reasons why we hide our struggles; but we all do it.  Typically, we don’t want people to judge us, feel sorry for us, or we fear they will not understand. 

As I have said in previous posts; I deal with chronic migraines on a daily basis that affect every area of my life.  If you have ever dealt with a chronic illness or have walked a loved one through it; you understand the not only physical, but emotional, mental, and spiritual impact it has on your life.  It is exhausting in every way.  Frequent medical bills only add to the stress and stress adds to the pain.  Chronic pain (emotional, mental, physical) is an ongoing struggle that deeply traumatized the lives of those suffering and the sufferers loved ones.

I am convinced that all people suffer with some sort of ongoing pain in their lives.  It may not be physical.  It may not even be within you.  Your suffering could be someone elses suffering.  Either way, we all deal with it.  The Apostle Paul talks about how he begged God to take away “the thorn in his flesh,” but God did not.  He told Paul that His grace was sufficient for Paul and that in Paul’s weakness God would be strong.  We do not know what this “thorn in his side” was, but some Bible scholars think it could have been migraines.  If so, I relate!  I have prayed continuously that God would heal me and I have faith that someday He will, but for now I have to rely on His grace to get through each day.  I have to remember that there is a reason God is allowing me to go through this and that He has promised to be strong when I am weak. 

Though pain in this life really sucks; as Christians, we have to remember that we are only passing through this earth and our eternal home is in heaven where pain does not exist!  The Bible says that when we go to heaven God will wipe away every tear from our eyes; what a euphoric moment that will be!  Our hope is not in this earth or man-made remedies for pain (though they can help for a while); our ultimate hope to overcome pain’s hold on our lives is Jesus Christ!  He is the one that died for our sins so that we could accept Him and go to heaven where all pain and struggle will diminish.

We are mere humans.  We deal with pain the best way we know how.  We must go easy on ourselves.  Find friends and family we trust to share our struggles with.  Chances are they will relate somehow.  Put your fears aside.  When we no longer fear pain, we are free to stand through the pain, knowing that soon; it will all be over!

We are having company this weekend; so of course I am a “cleaning maniac!”  Not to mention, the company is my in-laws; of course, I want our little place to look extra special.  So, here I am anxiously cleaning, getting a “bleach high,” and feeling worn out already, with a whole night to go. Sound familiar ladies?  Or men?  Whoever is the “perfectionist” in the family!   As I hurry to clean, unwanting to stop my anxious flow; my computer begins to play some Christian music, worshiping God.  It is amazing how just a song about God brings me peace and I feel the Holy Spirit inside me whispering “rest, my child.”

Rest is not a concept “we” Americans have gotten to know very well.  We like to keep ourselves “busy lil’ bees!”  If you are anything like me and have an extreme or perfectionist personality with a goal oriented nature; you know how stressful company coming over (though I love it) can be.  I like to play “Hostess with the Mostest,” but sometimes obsess over everything being perfect, until I don’t want to finish the job.  But wait, I must finish what I start (goal- driven, remember).  So, I keep at it until the work is done, while all the while carrying frustrated emotions.

Perhaps your business does not stem from perfectionism, but from other reasons.  Some like to keep busy because they are trying to please man, trying to prove themselves, trying to avoid thinking about what is really going on in their lives, trying to keep themselves from the great fear of boredom.  Those are just to name a few.

The thing I love about my God found in Jesus Christ is that He offers peace and rest for His children.  He tells us to relax, chill out, and have a margarita!  Haha, ok so He is not Jimmy Buffett; but you get the point.  God offers rest to His children and compels us to be still, stop busying ourselves with earthly things, and just spend some time with Him, meditating on His greatness, praying to him, reading about Him in the Bible, listening to music that reminds us of Him, and just being silent before Him.  Who knows, maybe He has something to say to your heart. 

There is a story in the Bible about two women who were sisters.  One loved to work and please Jesus by cooking for him, cleaning for him, and picking up after him.  The other loved to sit at the feet of Jesus and just listen to His stories, engage with Him, and spend time with Him.  Of course, the ‘workin woman’ got annoyed with her sister and told her to get to work.  Jesus simply said (and I am paraphrasing); “Work can wait; I would rather have your time than your service.”

Wow! What a cool God that would rather spend His time getting acquainted with us than being served by us.   Unlike many other Kings!  He beckons us to “Be Still and Know that He is God (Ps. 46:10).”   God is much more interested in us chilling out with Him and getting to know Him than us being concerned with perfection, business, and working too hard.  He desires us above all else and wants us to desire Him first as well.  What an amazing creator we have; one who wants to know each of us personally.  Desire to please God more than man; He is not only your judge in the end, but also your Savior from the judge through Jesus Christ (think about that one).

I think it is valuable to note that this concept of “rest” can be applied to those of you (like me) who are Christians and who obsessively try to please God (perhaps because you love Him so much and want to please Him).  I must tell you and me, however, that He is already pleased with you if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior!! So, let us together stop trying to earn God’s approval; Jesus’ Cross did that for us!  We now do what we know is right in our hearts not because we fear God, man, or even the Church; we do it because we love God and we want to do what is right.  This does not mean we don’t love God if we go against our hearts and the Bible and do wrong; it simply means that we are human.  It is time to get off our “high horses” as Christians and admit that we make mistakes and that we are dependent on Jesus.  Not only this, but our work and business and perfectionism for God is pointless; God is pleased with His Son who hopefully lives in you!!! If not, just ask Him; yes, that simple!

Tonight I went to a youth group and remembered what it was like to be a new Christian, full of zeal, excitement, and passion for Christ.  For whatever reason, as Christian’s tend to “mature,” in their walk with Jesus, they lose that ‘infatuation,’ we could call it.  When that “infatuation” starts to wear off, we stop seeking the presence of God like we use to.  Now, I don’t mean to make people jealous that have never experienced “the presence of God,” but it is one thing you should be jealous of and want with all your heart.  The more people seek God (whether in private or within a group of people), God will show up.  He says in His Word, “Seek and you shall find.”  I think this is why teenagers so often bring in the presence of God.  Often, they are new Christian and they are so passionate about Jesus that they will do anything to be in His presence! Tonight at youth group, the minister called upon the teenagers who really wanted to get serious about being bold in their high schools to come forward.  Some may think coming forward or “alter calls” as some may call it is silly, but I think they are powerful.  Why? Firstly, when you move forward you step out of the crowd and every looks at you.  Not only is this humbling to human pride, but also empowering the Holy Spirit within.  When you move forward you say “No” to your flesh and “Yes” to the Holy Spirit! Moving forward is a declaration! It says, “I don’t care what anyone in this room thinks; I am going to serve Jesus!”

Oh, when people “move forward,” God always shows up! God is a sucker for humility!  Humility tells God that you love Him more than you love this world and you are not afraid to show it! Now, in “Christian adult world” only a few are willing to move forward, so God may draw near for those few and allow them to sense His presence.  However, in “teen Christian world” everyone goes forward when they have tasted God’s presence before! This is what happened tonight.  The pastor gave an “altar call” and almost every teen in the room moved forward, some falling to their knees in reverence to the Lord, others expressing the surrender of their will over to God by the lifting of their hands, and others crying out to Jesus with all their hearts!

It was in this moment that I strongly sensed that God was not only close by, He was standing in the room!  I know when God is VERY close because the Spirit that lives inside of me jumps! I feel this intensely deep feeling in my gut that is indescribable.  All I can do is worship God and cry.  It is in these moments that I fall in love all over again! Not that I ever stopped loving God.  It’s just that passion, you know, the “infatuation” sometimes needs to be stirred up!

It is not far off from a marriage.  When you are first dating and married to your spouse, love is growing, but infatuation is strong!  This is the emotion that keeps you together at first.  Then, as time goes on, you learn to love unconditionally whether you have those “crazy butterfly feelings” or not.  Then, every once in while your spouse will do something to sweep you off your feet and you may say, “I fell in love all over again.”  This is basically saying, “I love my husband more than I loved him when we were dating (because love is a choice and a commitment; not a feeling) but today, I feel infatuated with him! 

Just like marriages need constant restored passion and excitement, so does your relationship with God! Just as sometimes this means work in marriage, the same goes for ones relationship with God.  Work does not imply labor.  It simply means that we need to seek God’s presence with all our hearts because it is in His presence that we renew our souls and passion is restored over and over again.

Our relationship with God is the relationship that matters most since it is eternal.  We should cultivate this relationship even more than our earthly ones.  He is the lover of our souls and we will never be fully satisfied if we do not consistently seek His presence in our lives!

Want to watch someone making a bold move for Christ?  Watch this YouTube video of Steve Harvey introducing Jesus Christ!  It is seriously amazing!!!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8srM5DIaJBM&NR=1

It seems like no matter how much experience I get or how much education I have under my belt, I still feel unqualified to make a major difference in this world or even in my own little world.  Ya know, like your never quite good enough!  It is a feeling I think even the most secure people feel because it is a human feeling.  It is somewhat realistic, but somewhat not for the believer in Christ.  What I mean by this is that reality proves to us over and over that we as human always fall short, always struggle with weaknesses, and are continuously in need.  No matter how smart we are, we don’t feel smart enough.  No matter how talented we are, we don’t feel feel talented enough, and no matter how strong we feel, we don’t feel quite strong enough. 

Perhaps you are in school or searching for a job, or are in a job you don’t like that much and you feel unqualified to do what you really want to do.  I am about to finish my Masters degree and have no clue what will open up for me.  I have to admit that I feel unqualified to do what I really want to do and perhaps I am.  The one thing that I always fall back on is God and His sovereignty (his ability to make things work out for the good).  I realize that I can do nothing that great apart from God and without His hand upon my life; I will go no where of any value to myself or others. 

The thought that I rely on is that God is qualified to do anything and all things and He lives within me through Jesus Christ.  If I live for Him, I know he will open up doors in my life that I am totally unqualified for.  Do you know that I earned a BA without ever taking the SAT exam before college?  Do you know that I am almost done with graduate school and I never took the GRE.  Do you know that I have taught full time as a teacher in both Colorado and Pennsylvania without ever earning my teaching credentials. 

The last thing I am trying to do is show off! If anything, I am bragging on God to take the “unqualified” and qualify them.  Why? Because Christians have clout on this earth just as movie stars have clout to get into “celebrity only” clubs.  Why do Christians have clout?  Because they are children of God and God is the King of both heaven and earth and His children are royalty.  Perhaps you feel like you are the last person in the world that has any sort of clout and maybe you are right; but, if you live for Jesus, He will give you great favor in this world!

There is absolutely no reason why I should have had any success in this world! I was a slacker in High School and cared little about my educational or professional future.  I know that it has been God that has opened doors for me that were right and closed doors for me that were wrong.  I know that it has been Jesus picking up the slack for me when I fall short of what is expected of me. 

I am not advocating laziness! Quite the contrary; I am saying, try your best to live for Jesus and do well and fight for the things you want in life; but, when you fall short (and you will) trust that it is not you, but He that lives within you that makes you not only qualified, but a royal child of the King of Kings!

I use to be a waitress at a restaurant called “Eat-N-Park” when I was 16-years-old.  All my readers from Washington know this “Hot Spot” all too well.  It is a chain but kinda feels like a local diner.  Anyways, I worked with a lot of professional waitresses that had been at this same restaurant for over 10 years!  You know the type; a little rough around the edges, but a great big heart!   I remember no one wanted to work on Sundays.  This was not because these women really cared about “the day of rest” or church or anything like that.  It was because the after-church crowd would come in, run the waitresses to death, and then leave a 10% tip at best.  This use to disgust me and it still does.  As Christians, we should be the best tippers out there!  And we wonder why the world hates Christians.  Hate to break it to the self-righteous, but they don’t hate us because we are standing for Christ (this would be a good thing); they hate us because we preach and preach and preach and then can’t even practice the number one commandment of Christ: love others and love God (Matt. 22:36-40).  If we as Christians boss our waitress around and then leave her a bad tip; what do you think that waitress is going to think of Christians??? Do I even have to say?

The Bible is clear that if we do not have LOVE in us; we are not Christians at all.  Sure, some may be posers and “talk the talk” with all their ”hallelujah’s” and “Amen’s,” but if they don’t walk the walk of love; Christ does not live in them.  You know what I always find ridiculous?  Christians who focus all their energies on not drinking, swearing, or smoking but then gossip, slander, and treat others with disrespect!  Christians like this need to take the blindfolds off their eyes and read God’s Word for what it really says and not what they want it to say.

There is a song that I have always liked that says, “They will know we are Christians by our love.”  First of all who is “They?”  “They” is the world and everyone who lives in it.  As Christians, we need to let our light shine bright for all to see.  The way in which our light shines is through love and joy in a dark world full of hate and depression.  Sadly, many of us Christians too have so much hate in our hearts and selfishness that wins the battle over love.  We are called to be different from the rest of the world! We are not only told to love our friends, but also our enemies!  Jesus Himself said, “Even the worst of sinners love their friends, but you are called to love your enemies; only then are you truly different (Luke 6:27-36).

The amazing thing about being a Christian is that we are one family!  No matter if we live on different sides of the world; we are still one!  We as believers should be recognizable by how much we love others, despite how they treat us.  Waiters and Waitresses should be requesting to work Sundays because that is when the Christians come to eat and they are so kind and leave great tips!  We should be known for our love and generosity!

p.s. please don’t put any Christian stickers on your car if you have road rage! But seriously!

Let me just start this post by saying that life sucks sometimes! Sorry if the word sucks offends you, but there is just no better word to use without really offending some. I am sure you know where I am going with the title of this post.  We sit around all day (whether we are in class, at work, or at home) and look at people’s Facebook pictures which reflect the perfection of their lives.  We then compare our lives to their lives based off their Facebook pictures!  This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard but I have to admit that I myself am guilty of it.  Man, especially vacation pics or pics where people seem to be doing cooler things than I am doing!  But, “REAL LIFE” is not reflected in a Facebook picture!

This reminds me of my sister and I growing up.  Me and my sis have always loved taking pictures (we are actually pretty annoying about it but everyone thanks us later when we have pics of the special event).  When we were younger we would be fighting, yelling, crying, hitting each other and my mom would say, “smile for the picture,” and just like that, all tears were gone, yelling and fighting stopped, our arms were around each others necks, and we had a smile and pose going that you would not believe!  If we were to show someone that picture, they would think Shiloh and I were the best of friends all the time, but we actually wanted to kill each other 2 seconds before snapping that shot. 

I have heard it said often, “pictures don’t lie” or “a picture is worth a thousand words” but I would argue the opposite! Pictures do lie and they lie well!  Someone could be the most miserable person in the world and take great pictures that make them look like they have a fabulous life.  The first thing I think of when I think about this idea is models.  Models are forced to look a certain way and if they don’t they not only lose their job; many of them lose their identity.  They have to be unnaturally skinny which forces many of them into eating disorders and painful surgeries.  Further, they often become drug users to help them stay thin and “escape” a world where they are expected to be perfect.  I cannot imagine a sadder existence.

Perfection really is an enemy to humanity.  Have you every tried to do something perfectly, live perfectly, or look perfectly.  I have and it is emotionally exhausting and mentally damaging.  This is so because no matter how hard we try, we will never ever reach perfection.  Does this mean we stop trying to be perfect? Yes! This is exactly what this means! God knows we are not perfect and does not expect us to be perfect.  When Jesus says “Be perfect as God is perfect” in Matt. 5:48, He knows He is asking something of humanity that they are unable to do.  But why would He do this; you many wonder?  Throughout the New Testament Jesus sets the bar for moral living so high that no human could ever live up to it.  He does this because He knows that He is about to die a sinners death as a sinless man to pay for our short comings and weaknesses (aka, imperfections).  Jesus wants us to accept our imperfections and weaknesses and failures so that we will gladly accept His perfection and strength and success in saving those who give their lives to Him.

Bottom line is this; perfection is impossible.  Facebook pictures and Victoria Secret magazines DO NOT reflect real life! If you live your life trying to “keep up” with images of perfection, you will be emotionally and mentally tired and hurt.  Here is an idea, accept yourself the way you are because God accepts you the way you are.

Here is a hard one for us girls to swallow; stop worrying about your weight! Stop worrying about your looks.  Stop worrying about the one grey hair you found or the one pimple on your cheek.  Accept that God made you and everything He makes is beautiful!  Both men and women need to stop comparing themselves to others; especially images that do not reflect reality.

Living in reality is both hard and rewarding.  Living in a fantasy land is not real and it will always lead back to reality in someway which will hit a lot harder if you have refused to go there.  The reality of life is that some days are amazing while other days really suck; sometimes things are fair and other times they are not; sometimes things are hard but sometimes things are rewarding; sometimes we smile and sometimes we cry; sometimes we struggle in our relationships while other times we have a ball with our best friends, spouses, and families.  Whatever you do, don’t go on comparing you life to someone elses picture.  It is a guarantee that the person in the picture is struggling with life just as much as you are because life is tough at times for everyone!

Oh being a girl; full of emotion that we have no clue what to do with.  Sometimes the world calls us “Crazy” and sometimes maybe we believe them based off the way our emotions take us for a wild ride sometimes.  I am pretty sure that historically, women have been the most oppressed people group. But why?  It is not fair.  Even here in America, where our sisters went to extreme measures to fight for women’s rights; we find a glass ceiling staring down at us saying, “you will never reach the top” or “you will never do better than a man!”  And shame on the Church who favor men in the pulpit over women.  You know, I have actually seen certain churches advertise a job and say “only men apply.”  Why not women?  Are we incapable of thinking logically as a man?  Are we believed to be such emotional beings that we are incapable of being strong and powerful leaders?  What saddens, no angers  my heart the most is women who don’t believe in women being head pastors of churches or perhaps the president of the United States someday.  Sisters should stick together!  I have heard many people say that a woman should never be a president because she would let her emotions run her decisions.  While I will not argue that women are emotional beings (which is both a strength and a weakness at times); I never hear anyone say, “I would not want a man running this country because I would be too afraid he would make decisions based off his egotistical nature.”  Now, I am not a man-hater, but to say a woman would not make a good leader based off a (sometimes) weakness in females is ridiculous because men too have weaknesses (like pride and ego) that they would need to overcome to be good leaders.

I can’t help but think of the song, “I’m Just a Girl” by No Doubt.  I love this song because Gwen Stefani sends a powerful message in a relevant way.  She speaks loudly as a sister defending other sisters.  My favorite parts of the song are these:

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I’m exposed
And it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand

‘Cause I’m just a girl, little ol’ me
Don’t let me out of your sight
I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights
Oh … I’ve had it up to here!

Guess I’m some kind of freak
‘Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I’m just a girl
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh… I’ve had it up to here I
Oh… am I making myself clear?

I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to
Is making me numb
I’m just a girl … my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
I’m just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there’s no comparison

I love it that Gwen is not sorry at all for being a girl and she sarcastically lets the world know it!  She is not afraid to defend herself as a woman and confront the world for the injustice its had towards the female race.

You know what is cool about the God we serve; He is not afraid to confront this same injustice towards His daughters who He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).  God made not only man in His image, but woman as well (Gen. 1:27).  Men and women were created equally by God and He sees them as equally valuable to the church, ministry, jobs, and society in general.  Do you still think men are more capable leaders as being head pastors or even the president of the United States?  Then you must not believe the Apostle Paul when he says, “ There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).  Plus, I must add to the argument historically.  After the twelve Apostles started to die off in the first century, it was mostly women leading churches in their homes.  Women were more attracted to Christianity than men because in Roman culture women were treated like dirt, but in Christian culture they were all the sudden treated like human beings.  Of course women in the first and second century would be attracted to Christianity.  Most men were secondary conversions which means they became Christians through their Christian wives sharing the gospel with them (Check out the book, “The Rise of Christianity” by Rodney Stark for further details on this).  It was not until the 4th century, when Constantine came into power and made Christianity the national religion that Roman culture and Christianity begin to mix.  Therefore,  the Roman way of thinking crept into Christianity and women leaders in the church were pushed to the side and the men took over.  To bring things up to modern times; there are way more female pastors than male pastors throughout the world (America is the exception)!  Women were and still are crucial to the developemnt of Christianity!!!

When I was 18-years-old I found myself in Bible school right in the heart of “The Bible Belt,”  Dallas, Texas!  Dallas is very conservative when it comes to just about everything.  I felt called by God, since I was 13-years-old, to be an evangelist (basically a minister of the Gospel of Christ).  I had two dogmatic young men in their twenties come up to me with their so-called ”biblical knowledge” and tell me that women had no place being leaders in the church.  They took many scriptures out of context to prove their point.  They did this knowing I wanted to be a leader in the church.  Shame on them! They discouraged a young girl, but I also thank them because that was the day I decided I would study God’s Word on this matter and never let anyone “knowledge bully” me in this area again.  Sure, I went home, called my dad and cried.  My very wise dad encouraged me that those two guys were immature and plain wrong!  My dad sent me books on the subject and I studied up.  After that I would never again let a man or woman win the argument that women were not meant to be leaders in the church or society!

Have you felt discouraged about being born a woman?  I have at times!  Though I love being taken care of and treasured by a man, I want to be able to be a great leader with or without a man holding my hand.  I strongly believe us women are capable of doing anything a man can intellectually or emotionally do.  We may be limited in some regards physically because our bodies were made more delicate, but we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Phil. 4:13).

I hope I don’t sound like a “man-basher” because I think men and women need each other and should love and respect one another.  I am just fed up with Christians and non-Christian societies oppressing women and discouraging their callings and dreams!  There is nothing more amazing than a man who stands up for women and there is nothing more sad than a woman who limits her own sisters!  This is a matter we should continually battle for justice in.  I believe that even if we stand-alone in this matter, God has our back!  He is known to fight for the oppressed and if God is for us women, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)?

**If this is a subject you are confused on based off how you have read certain Bible scriptures or how you have been taught, I encourage you to read the book, “Why not Women?”  Here is the amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-Women-Biblical-Leadership/dp/1576581837/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269350041&sr=1-1

This book seriously answers a lot of questions about Pauline theology and takes us back to the original writings in the Greek of the difficult passages about women found in the books of Timothy and Corinthians.

I once heard a preacher compare pride to a person staring directly into the sun.  He said this because someone who is consumed with pride does not see it.  Everyone around them can see it;  people may even be telling them about it, but they still cannot see it.  With this in mind, we can see how pride is a great deception.  It makes one blind to the obvious!  The scary thing about pride is that it always comes before a fall, as the Bible says (Proverbs 16:18).  The more pride within one’s heart, the more miserable and humiliating their fall will be. 

The question here is this: ”What is pride and do I unknowingly have it?”  Pride really is simple; it is considering yourself better than you should.  With that in mind we can assume that we all struggle with pride to some degree.  However, there are those who have so much pride in their hearts that they cannot even see that it is there!  Pride has nothing to do with being secure in who you are.  In fact, the most prideful people are often the most insecure people. Think about it, they feel insecure from childhood or whatever the factors are, so they focus in on areas that they feel good about  (perhaps maybe their looks, their talents, their brains, their skills, their ministry, etc…) and avoid the areas they feel inadequate in. 

When we do this though, we start to look only at our strengths and avoid thinking about our weaknesses.  The longer one does this, the more they feed their ego.  The more one feeds their ego, the more they are convinced (in their heart) of their “greatness” and lack of need.  If you never admit to short comings or weaknesses or maybe just that someone is better at something than you are, than you begin to feel as if you can do everything yourself and you don’t need anyones help.  Pride, at its worst, is rejecting everyone’s advice and help because you are convinced that you know more than everyone else.  This is a scary place to be if you are a Christian!!!  Why? Because God desires His people to walk in humility!  Now, many people think of humility as insecurity and lack of confidence, but that thinking could not be more wrong.  Humble people can be very secure and confident individuals, but they know their short comings, weaknesses, and great need for others and God!  This is where God wants us!  He wants us to find our strength and confidence in Him.  He wants us to allow people to operate in their gifts and talents without jealousy or being threatened.  A humble heart is the opposite of insecurity.  It is not afraid of looking weak or stupid because it finds its “greatness” in God!

Humility is simply admitting that we as human beings are in great need of God and others.  Jesus Himself humbled Himself by coming to this earth as a human being, making Himself dependent on His mom and dad as a child, dependent on eating and drinking for survival, dying a death He did not deserve, and loving people who rejected Him to His face.  Jesus was the most humble man of all, but He walked tall in knowing that God is His Father and He is never alone.  Humility is following closely after the character of Christ, admitting our dependence on Him and our need for others.  Sometimes this means asking forgiveness of others you have pushed away in pride; perhaps asking forgiveness from God (for pushing Him away) as well. 

If you have found yourself in a humiliating situation, perhaps God is trying to humble your heart so that it better reflects His.  Remember, He loves us too much to leave us as we are!  As a Christian, humilty is not really a matter of choice.  It is one of those character traits that God enforces.  One can either humble themselves (which would be a lot less of a painful process) or God will humble you for you at some point.  God will not let His people get away with pride and arrogance.  If we refuse to walk in humility; God will not hesitate to humiliate you.  This is not God being mean; rather, it is God having mercy on your soul.  It is God teaching you how to be a true follower of Christ.  The amazing thing about humility is that if we do it ourselves, God will lift us up!

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” -1 Peter 5:6

I use to want to write a book called “putting your heart back to sleep” because I experienced such pain loosing certain guys in the past.  I use to read these verses in the Bible a lot that say:

^“Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
   by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
   until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” ~Song of Solomon 2:7 (the message)

Some versions of this same scripture say not to “awaken” love until the time is right.  I use to combine this verse with another verse that says “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” ~Proverbs 2:23 (NIV).

For years I tried to figure out how to “put your heart back to sleep” after you had already woken it up by allowing your emotions to get too tied up in a guy that you did not end up with (and if you are in high school, you probably won’t end up with the guy you are dating right now; I  know, sad but true!).  Waking up our heart too early can be so devastating!  I wanted to make sure I never had to feel those devastating feelings again so I was bound and determined to make my heart sleepy!  The only problem with this was that my heart was like a new-born baby that just would not stop crying out for those ”infatuation” feelings I once had.  While I strongly believe these two verses that I have shared to be great wisdom and highly recommend not awakening ”romantic love” until you have found the person you are going to marry; this is an ideal that happens very rarely.  So, if you are reading this and you have not “awakened” your heart to anyone yet; bravo for you; keep your heart asleep to “romantic love” until you find who you have been looking for at a time you are ready to pursue marriage; you will save yourself so much heartache!

As for the rest of us that just wish our heart would shut up and go back to sleep; we have to deal with it, just like you have to deal with a new-born baby at 3 a.m. that just won’t stop crying out in need.  Like I said before, I tried for years to put my heart back to sleep.  I was bound and determined to do this so that I could write a book about it and tell the world of my great success and give the 1-2-3 step “how-to” answer!  It took a while, but I finally figured out that it was impossible to put my heart back to sleep.  This is not to say that you keep the same feelings for the guys you lost (I do think time helps you to get over these guys); however, the soul does not forget those “feelings” you use to have!  This is why we as humans will often have weird dreams about people we have not thought about for years.  Just because you don’t think about something or someone anymore in the front of you mind; the soul (mind, body, heart, spirit) does not suppress memories so easily.  This is exactly why the Bible tells us to guard our hearts and minds and not to awaken love until you meet ”the love” of your life!  The Bible warns us of this because God wants to protect us.  Remember, all His boundaries are for our GOOD, not to ruin our fun!  God knows that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is FUN but He also knows who you are going to end up marrying and doesn’t want you to have to go through the pain of a breaking up for no reason! 

Back to “trying to make my heart sleepy;” basically all I did was suppress human emotion for years and thought I was ”putting my heart back to sleep.”  I was wrong, my heart refused to stop crying out for “love and romance” again.  It was as if I was ignoring an infants need to be fed.  So, what in the world do we do if we have already “awoken love” and our heart just won’t shut up.  Well, I can tell you this; most people just keep going from one relationship to the next trying to get their heart’s “fix.”  The problem with this is that you just continue to feed the heart and it becomes more and more needy and insecure break-up after break-up.  Finally, you meet the man you want to marry and unfortunately you WILL bring all this insecurity into your marriage which creates friction and in a lot of cases, divorce. 

So, we understand by now that jumping from one romantic relationship to the next is plain stupid but how do we get our hearts to calm down?  I can tell you first hand that suppressing your emotions is not the answer.  The answer is allowing those emotions to surface and stand through the pain.  As I have discussed before; the healing process is very painful and we have to face it to really be healed! This is why people have such great success with therapy; they are forced to talk about their soul-wounds!  The healing process of getting over a “romantic” relationship can take years, but it is better than suppressing those feelings and having them rise up 20 years from now when you are supposed to be happily married and enjoying a family of your own!

I actually know a woman who was in her 40′s and had been married for 15 or so years.  One day she decided to drive past her x-boyfriend’s house (from high school).  She soon fantasized about him (how they were in high school).  Those thoughts turned into action and she left her very nice and secure marriage for this loser she dated in high school.  This may sound absolutely ridiculous, but it is not.  Perhaps you still have dreams about past boyfriends?  Though you don’t think of “so and so” when you are awake, these dreams are reminding you that your soul has not forgotten!

So, the first thing to do is allow these memories and feelings to surface no matter how long and painful the process may be.  Sometimes therapy is much-needed to do this and that is OK!  As you walk though that process, you have to learn to ignore your awakened heart that cries out for “love” or romantic feelings.  This is the hardest part because there will always be a guy you want to give your heart to and feel those addictive “love, lust, and infatuation” feelings again, but you know deep down they are not the right person for you.  Perhaps you don’t have the same core values or whatever.  You have to say “NO” to your heart that is crying out for another “fix!”  Many people fall in love with “love.”  They become “love addicts” and just always need something romantic going on.  The more we feed this addiction, the more we become addicts!

Once the heart has been awakened, you have walked through the painful process of allowing emotions to surface and saying no to your hearts cry for another relationship for so long; you will come to a place where you will be able to easily say no to pointless relationships and your heart will become determined to wait for the right guy!

I have to say though; none of this can be done without Christ.  I could have never just allowed pain to surface in my heart and not replace the loss I felt without my relationship with Christ.  He became the lover of my soul! I had to let Him feel that void left in my heart.  I had to replace my addiction to “love” with an addiction to Christ’s love.  This was not always easy since Christ is not a physical being, but once we learn to accept His unconditional love, we realize that He is the only one who can love us the way in which we need.

Even now that I am married, I need Christ’s love more than Luke’s love.  Though I enjoy having a romantic relationship with my husband; his love does not compare to the love of Christ.  If it was between Luke and Jesus; Luke would be out of luck (thank God it is not)!  I feel this way because no man could ever love me, fulfill my heart, and complete my soul the way that Christ has and continues to do.  You see, human love is conditional, no matter how hard we try to love unconditionally.  God’s love is unconditional.  No matter how bad we mess up; God still loves us exactly the same!

I say all of this to say a few things.  Firstly, if you have not awakened your heart to “love” yet, you are very fortunate and you would be very wise to wait patiently for the right guy at the right time (the right time is when you are at an age you can consider marriage).  Second, if you have awakened love too soon with the wrong guys or girls, there is hope in Jesus Christ!  He will walk you through the painful healing process hand and hand, motivate your heart to wait for the right man or woman, and fill your heart with unconditional love that is more addicting than any human ”love feelings” you have ever known!

Why is it that every time we try to do the “right thing” or try to start living for God the way we want to live for him, things start to go royally wrong and we end up doing the “wrong thing” and not living for God the way we want to?  Well, the obvious answer to this is Satan.  The Bible calls him “a lion, who seeks to devour people!”  However, we can’t blame all our “mess ups” on Satan unfortunately!

The Apostle Paul describes himself like this (and honestly, I relate so much!)

Romans 7:14-25:   So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. ¹⁶ But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. ¹⁸ And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  I want to do what is right, but I can’t. ¹⁹ I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. ²⁰ But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. ²¹ I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. ²² I love God’s law with all my heart. ²³ But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. ²⁴ Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? ²⁵ Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

I am always VERY encouraged by this passage of Scripture because here we have the Apostle Paul (who was a great man of God) struggling with the very same thing that we all struggle with: OURSELVES!!  While Satan really is the enemy of our souls and he want to make things go wrong for you (especially when you make a decision to do things for God!); our greatest enemy is our own sinful nature.  Satan knows that we have a “sinful nature” so he tempts our “sin nature” with our personal favorite sins and deep weaknesses.  It seems every time I write one a post on this blog for God, Satan comes after my sinful nature and my weaknesses.  He attacks when we are living for God or doing something for God because he wants you to give up! 

Just the other day when I spent hours writing about how much God has healed me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually; the next day was pure hell.  I had a bad headache from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed and I was an emotional & mental wreck.  However, I knew that it was Satan attacking my weaknesses and getting my “sin nature” to act up!  It never, fails; when you try to do what is right, we will often do what is wrong! 

The amazing thing is though that there is an answer to this misery; JESUS! He is the only one that gives us the power to “walk by faith” even when everything seems to be going wrong! He is the one who holds are hand through trials and tests.  He is the one that fights our spiritual battles against our own flesh and against demonic forces we face each day.  This is why it is so crucial to stay close to Him everyday through prayer, meditation and reading the Bible.  Prayer and reading and meditating on God’s Word gives us daily strength, faith, and motivation to deny our “sinful nature” and fight against Satan’s forces! I will not lie, some days we lose the fight and give into our “sin nature” but if you have given your life to Christ, THE BATTLE HAS ALREADY BEEN WON!!! 

What I mean by this is that Jesus already defeated all sin and Satan when He died on the cross over 2,000 years ago and rose again!  If you have asked Him; He has forgiven your past, present, and even future sins (WOW!)   He now sits right next to God and mediates on our behalf.  Because Jesus walked on this earth as fully human and fully God; He understands our daily struggle not to sin.  Jesus never sinned on earth but He faced every temptation we face and was tempted by Satan as well (Luke 4:1-13).  This is why Jesus “sticks up for us” even when we do what we don’t want to do and don’t do what we want to do!  He ‘gets us’ because He walked in our shoes.  God Himself became flesh so that He could understand us better (what kind of crazy love is that for a perfect God who had no suffering to come to this earth and suffer with us and for us)?

So, I say all this to say firstly, our fight against Satan and our sin natures cannot be won with Jesus! Secondly, when and if you decide to REALLY live for God or if you already live for God and you decide to do something to reach out to people for God; things will go wrong.  Do not be discouraged by this though; it is actually a sign that you are doing the right thing.  If Satan and your sin nature always leaves you alone then you are no threat to Satan.  But the minute you start to fight for God’s Kingdom, watch out; you have become a threat!  Not to worry though, God has your back; we must continue to walk by faith no matter what happens!!!  The battle has already been won!